Life is Never Easy, Is It?
by XxBloodyRosaryxX
Summary: Most stories glorify the Fellowship being thrown into our world, or girls being thrown into ME, but it isn't all fun and games. I'll admit, it was pretty cool when the Fellowship was in my world, but when I was taken to ME, it was a whole different story! It was real life, and in real life, it's not all Legomances and going to War and leaving without a scratch. HUMOR PLZREAD
1. Chapter 1

**I'm just going to stick to writing funnier Lord of the Ring stories, because not a lot of my stories that are actually edited and stuff don't get as many reviews, so enjoy this…hopefully.**

**Uh, I don't own anything…I hope. If I did that would be weird and I would've suffered from a lot of memory loss to not remember.**

**Please enjoy and PLEASE I BEG OF YOU, REVIEWWWWWW**

_**Payton (Pepper)**_

"Okay, let's use some common _fucking_ sense, Gandalf…if you stand at the edge of a precipice such as the one you are standing on, and a flippin _Balrog_, with a _whip_, I might add, just fell down there…Honestly, what the fuck do you think is going to happen? Obviously the bitch is going to drag you down with him. Did you have a death wish, you moron?" I snapped at the TV and flung popcorn at Frodo's crying face.

"And, Frodo, you shut the fuck up! If you weren't so needy and weak, Gandalf wouldn't have come and this wouldn't be happening, now would it? Aragorn? You just keep being sexual, you're doing fantastic."

A snort from my blonde bitch-friend in the corner on Twitter brought me from my rants.

"Pepper, if Gandalf didn't come then they would all be dead and then the Ring would be given to Sauron and everyone in Middle Earth would die."

"Shut up," I hissed, "Don't put me down, you hoe. Quit being such an artificial blonde bitch and make me more popcorn."

"Screw you; make your own damn popcorn! All you do is throw it at the TV anyway!"

I sighed and focused on the TV only to burst into another fit of rage.

"Shut up, Boromir! My sexy man is trying to save everyone's lives and all you can do is defy him. You know what, you flipping ticking time bomb, you should be licking his boots _clean_-not voicing your opinions!"

"You're such an angry person, Payton! You need to lighten up a bit." That came from my older half-sister, Naydiene, who laughed, then walked through the living room and into the kitchen. **(Nay-Deen)**

"No, I'm only angry when disgusting people like Boromir be telling off my man!" I said in the most ghetto voice I could muster, "And when I see Arwen kiss my future husband and when I see blonde, pointy –eared bastards like Legless flirt with Aragorn!"

"Legolas, honey, Legolas…" aforementioned blonde friend, Lena Audrey, who I call LA, laughed, "And Boromir is just trying to help out and let people have a minute to grieve." **(Lee-na)**

"Leeennnnaaaa! Don't defend him! He's a rude bitch."

"Peps, can you order pizza or something? I'm starving and I need a shower. I just ran 3.06 miles and I'm beat!" Naydiene downed the rest of her water bottle and started up the stairs.

"Does this face look like it cares?" I joked, schooling my features and staring at her.

She stared back.

"Just order the pizza…"

"Kay! LA, I need your cellular telephone, pronto." I reached my hand out and looked at Lena expectantly.

"Bitch, no, get your own phone!"

"It's charging! Just let me use yours!"

LA groaned and gave me her Iphone 5 (which was much better than my Iphone 4S) and I quickly dialed the pizza place.

"Hello, thank you for calling Domino's Pizza, this is Joshua, and how may I help you?"

"Helloooo Joshua, its Pepper calling! Listen, I need one large cheese pizza, one small pepperoni, uhhh a bottle of Dr. Pepper, and your number. My address is 651 Rosewood Drive, same city as yours. Okay, thank you, love!" and I hung up, laughing quietly to myself.

"And the award goes to Pepper Lorde, the girl who orders pizza in the most ridiculous and flirty way possible! Congratulations, Mrs. Lorde, can you tell us your secret?" LA held a Wii remote to my mouth.

"Well, I always start my morning with a giant cup of shut the fuck up and finish my day with my middle fingers to the sky! And the key? Not giving a crap about what others think of you!" I played along.

"Oh, some mighty fine tips! Thank you for sharing with us, Pepper! Now, onto today's movie! The Hobbit!" she held her arms out and "flew" to the PS3 to put in the blu-ray disk of the Hobbit.

The movie started as normal, with the dwarves humming the Misty Mountains and the menu popping up. LA went to scene selection and skipped to the scene of the council with Saruman, Elrond, and Galadriel. It was all normal and awesome, until the camera focused directly on Galadriel's eyes and she opened her mouth to speak, but instead of it showed a faint allusion of LA and me exchanging confused looks and then LA asking who "they" were and why they were here. Suddenly, the vision faded and it was of me, sitting outside with my dad, I couldn't have been more than seven or eight, and we were camping. I watched at my younger self pointed at a shooting start and then my dad told me to make a wish. My eyes screwed shut and I mouthed some words before my eyes flew open again. Again, the vision faded to LA, wishing on the same star, her eyes closed and her tiny fists clenching. It went back to us standing in shock looking at the mystery in front of us only this time, Naydiene ran down and asked us what was going on-freezing on spot; she too asked who "they" were. Galadriel snapped her mouth shut and the movie began playing as normal. Unexpectedly, the PS3 made a zapping noise before the screen went black.

LA and I stared in shock, our hearts thudding wild and the same question echoing in our heads, "What the hell was that?"

The doorbell rang and startled us. We didn't move. It rang again. We didn't move.

"What are you creepers looking at? Get the door!" Naydiene hissed standing at the foot of the stairs with a towel wrapped around her.

"Oh, yeah, okay…" I shakily got up and took money from my wallet; LA stood up and went to kitchen.

"That's dude," I handed the money to the man and picked up the boxes of pizza and the bottle of soda. He must have noticed my hands trembling so he offered to take it inside.

A sound of a glass cup breaking sounded in the background and I sighed in frustration, "Yeah, can you? I just had a very unnerving experience with a messed up Hobbit disk…" he gave me a funny look and walked inside.

"Just put them on the kitchen counter…"

"Okay, no problem. The price is $23.03, ma'am," Handing him twenty-five dollars, I told him to keep the change and thanked him for helping me.

"It was nothing, but how are two pizza's going to feed everyone here?" he laughed.

"It's just my sister and my friend…"my eyes followed his gaze to the nine new people that were standing in my living room, shifting uncomfortably.

Naydiene was peaking around the corner, hiding her naked body that was only covered by a towel, and LA was picking up pieces of broken glass, avoiding eye contact with the new people.

"Uh, bring more pizza; please…I don't care what kind. Just bring a lot." I whispered, "They weren't supposed to be home tonight! The renaissance festival doesn't end until…next week!"

"The renaissance festival isn't for another three months-," I pushed the delivery man out and called after him, "Don't forget the pizza!"

Shutting the door quickly, I leaned my head against the oak door and deep several deep breathes and blinked a few times.

"When you open your eyes, they'll be gone…"

I turned and opened my eyes, and guess what!

They were gone!

"I knew it was just my eyes playing tricks on me!" I laughed.

Then I heard a crash come from outside, and that's when I noticed the backdoor (that was open from when Naydiene came back from her run) was still open and a wave a fear washed over me.

"The backdoor was open before, Pepper," I told myself, "That doesn't mean they're out there…"

But, because the world hates me, when I looked out, I saw nine figures looking around curiously and a small boy shaking the fence that had my ferociously growling Collie and Rottweiler inside, gnawing at the fence to get out and attack the intruders.

LA came up behind me and whispered, "What the _fuck_, Pepper?!"

"I don't know what's going on, LA, so don't ask…"

"That's the goddamn Fellowship of the Rings!"

"I know, Captain Obvious!" I snarled.

"Okay, Lieutenant Sarcasm, don't get all pissy!"

"Quit being stupid, LA, and…" I trailed off when I noticed nine people staring at us; one of the nine was smiling, amused.

"Hello…" I smiled and waved, laughing awkwardly.

Boromir unsheathed his sword and pointed it at us, "Where are we?"

"Woah! Put down the sword, please…I'm too young to die!" LA yelped, pushing me forward, "Kill her! She's weird…"

"Oh, thanks, you broomstick looking bitch!"

At the sight of the sword, my dogs went berserk and howled and barked, foam coming out of their mouths.

Legolas raised his bow at them and cocked an arrow.

"NO!" I screamed, racing forward and grabbing his arm, "Don't! They sense danger and they're freaking out…just don't shoot them."

Boromir grabbed my shoulder and threw me to the ground, shouting about how a woman shouldn't touch a man in such ways-let alone a prince.

Naydiene saw this and raced out, pushing Boromir back a few steps, "Who the fuck do you think you are?! You can't touch a little girl like that, you psycho bitch! I should call the cops and have you arrested!"

"Naydiene, calm down, I'm fine. He's just a bitchy asshole who deserves to get the shit beat out of him. Just go inside and put some clothes on…we have this under control."

Once I got the angry girl inside, I turned to the Fellowship.

"Child, I apologize for my companion's behavior. As you can see we are all very confused. We know not where we are…" a man that looked like Aragorn smiled gently and tipped his head.

"Who _are_ you?" I asked. I refused to believe that this was the real Fellowship for various reasons. One, it's impossible, two, it's impossible, three it's impossible…and four, it'd be too fucking cool to be happening to someone like me.

"Strider, and if I may ask who you are?"

I snorted, "Princess Diana."

Immediately, everyone dropped to their knees and Boromir started apologizing repeatedly.

"No! I was kidding! I'm not Princess Diana…she died…"

"Then what is your name?" a small boy with curly brown hair and big blue eyes looked at me curiously. Definitely Frodo.

"My name is Pay-Pepper,"

"PayPepper?" the ones who I assumed was Pippin asked.

"What kind of name is that?" Merry asked.

"My names Pepper." I confirmed.

"Pepper?" Legolas cocked his head.

"Well technically it's Payton, but-,"

"So your name is either Payton or Pepper? Well which is it?" I believe Gimli said that.

"No!" I growled, "My name is Payton, but I go by Pepper! It's a nickname!"

"Oh…so you aren't a princess?" Frodo asked.

"Nope, you can get up now…"

The Fellowship stood quickly.

"Is your friend alright, child?" Aragorn looked beyond me to LA, who was standing there with her mouth wide open.

"Oh, yeah…uh her name is Lena Audrey, but we call her LA," I told everyone, "She's in shock; probably doesn't even believe you guys are here right now. In fact, I don't kno believe it, even…"

"How could you not? We are standing here, are we not?" Boromir said.

"Well, yeah, but you shouldn't be! You aren't real!" I argued.

"While I agree that we shouldn't be here right now, I do not agree that we are not real. We are obviously real."

"I don't know how to explain it! You. Aren't. Real! You came from a book!"

"Lies! You make no sense, child."

I growled before saying, "I'm ending this conversation because you are stupid and I don't want to talk to you."

Turning away, I heard him gasp and begin to say something, but Aragorn mumbled something and he quieted.

A heavy silence filled the air; until LA broke it:

"What the _fuck_ is _happening_?!"

**O.o.O**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Oh gosh, it made my day to see all the reviews I got on just ONE chapter! I made my life so much better!**

**I should have made mention of this is the last chapter, but I'm turning over a new leaf! I WILL respond to everyone who reviews…but get account you guys! So I can do it over PM and not in my AN's because no one reads these!**

**So starting with the first guest…**

_hilarious, please continue._

**Of course I'll continue! And thank you for reviewing! Tell your friends!**

_update quick! please please please!_

**I'll try! I was busy yesterday! And…I have no excuses! But remember! The more reviews the more updates! Tell your friends! And THANK YOU!**

_**HEATBLIZZARD- **_**Uh, I'm not entirely sure what to take away from your review, but if you make an account, we can speak further on the topic. But did you like my story?**

_I also wondered why Gandalf stood in the MIDDLE of the Fing bridge thing instead of back towards the Fellowship where they could be in easy reach of him should Gandalf be in trouble and the fight goes to hell in a hand basket.__… (There was more!)_

**I most certainly take ideas! Thank you so, so, so much! Tell everyone you know to check out the story, please! Oh, and your suggestions made my little brain work and now…well, you'll see! Thanks again!**

**So onward with the story! **

**Oh and I apologize…when I was editing it, I had to stop near the end because I got distracted and I forgot to edit it. That's why there are so many mistakes. I'm so sorry!**

*****Also, this chapter is going to be longer and more "ha ha" funny at the end, because now you kind of get to know our main characters a little more (and their families) so I'm sorry, but it needs to be done!**

**Anyway, here you go!**

_**Pepper's point of view**_

It was really, really awkward having the Fellowship of the Ring sitting in my living room, and it was even more awkward when I handed them all food because they had no clue what pizza was.

"It's bread and cheese and something called marinara sauce, Boromir, it's not poisonous. People eat this stuff constantly! That's why so many people in the United States are fat." LA said, growling in frustration when Boromir stabbed the pizza with a dagger he pulled out of who-knows-where.

"Holy fuck, just eat it!" I ripped the pizza off his plate and shoved it in my mouth, chewed and swallowed, "It's not poisoned!"

"Why would I eat it if you just bit into it? That's horrid!" he cried, crinkling his nose and pushing his plate away.

"That's it!" Naydiene took the plate away, "Boromir is starving to death! I don't care!"

"My lady, is that really necessary?" Aragorn asked, taking Lembas from his bag and handing to Boromir.

"He's being difficult! The Hobbits are eating it and they're fine!" Naydiene jabbed a finger in the direction of the four, small beings.

"The Hobbits eat anything, though..." I muttered, "And so does Gimli…I mean, look how fat they are!"

"Gimli isn't fat!" LA jumped to her feet, "He's poofy…"

We looked at each other the burst into laughter; the Fellowship looked at us curiously.

Once I got over laughing, I turned to Gandalf and pointed at him, "You, my friend, are an idiot! Who stands so close to a frickin Balrog at the edge of an abyss? Like, are you suicidal?"

His blue eyes darkened, "What do you speak of? Answer me!"

I froze, my mouth went dry and I just started at him, "I was just kidding…?"

"Answer me!" he roared, standing up and towering over me.

"I was just saying shit because I like to hear myself talk! I'm really narcissistic and I love myself too much and, and, I wish I was Arwen because she's pretty and I'm ugly, and I used to have a crush on Thorin Oakenshield because he's gorgeous and everyone loves Legolas and I don't know why because he's obsessed with his hair and there's this story -actually stories-where Aragorn gets Legolas pregnant and so does Glorfindel and Elrond and it's really awkward because Legolas has a penis, I hope, and Legolas is everyone's favorite elf-slut , but I didn't really understand how he got pregnant and it scared me and I don't know what I'm saying, please don't stare me down like that, it freaks me out…"

Gandalf froze, Legolas was glaring at me, Aragorn looked really confused and disgusted, and Gimli was laughing his motherfucking ass off.

"What?" Boromir asked.

"I don't know when I get scared or confused I ramble…" I whispered, my face burning. Suddenly, I snapped my head up and stared each person down, "It doesn't happen all the time, mind you! I just don't like being yelled at, especially by people I think so highly of-if it's someone stupid like Boromir, I just get mad and start a fight…but if it's Gandalf…"

The room suddenly got really quiet.

"I'm gonna tell you guys a secret, but you can't tell anyone, okay? I'm gonna tell you," They were going to find out eventually, so I might as well get it out of the way now. I steeled myself, took a few deep breathes, and then said, "I have these things called anxiety and bipolar disorder…they both have some effect on my mood, but my bipolar disorder causes me to have crazy mood swings. I'm trying to get better, and I take medicine to help stabilize my mood swings, but sometimes I can't always control it. So if I'm really happy one minute and then I start screaming and am really mad the next…please don't take it personally. I can't help it, I was born that way."

I waited for everyone to absorb this. They seemed to understand, and when I looked up, the Hobbits were smiling at me. Pippin ran over and hugged me saying, "It's okay Miss Pepper! We accept you! You can count on me to be a friend no matter what!"

Merry ran over and hugged me too, "Me too!"

Frodo beamed at me before joining his cousin, "Nobody is perfect, Pepper, and I don't scorn you for something you can't help."

Sam walked over hesitantly, "Well I have my own quirks and Mister Frodo is right, no one is perfect. Don't be down on yourself, Miss Payton."

Wiping tears away from my eyes, I looked down at the four Hobbits smothering me, "Thanks you guys. You're the best!"

"Okay, it's official; the Hobbits are part of the club!" LA squealed, running over, "Anyone who is this nice to my Pepper is in."

"Your Pepper?" I asked, "I don't belong to anyone!"

I did my best evil laugh, but my fucking sister interrupted, "No one owns you except Mom and Dad…and, uh, Mom just called. She'll be home in ten minutes."

LA and I slowly turned to her, our eyes wide.

"How the hell are going to hide them?" I whispered, breaking free of the Hobbits' hold and running to the window as if my mom would be standing right there, "Where do we put nine men? I mean…this house isn't huge."

"You have a pretty big basement, right? And your mom only goes down there to work out, doesn't she?" LA said, nodding towards the kitchen where the door to the basement was.

Naydiene and I did a happy dance before herding the nine men down into the basement.

"It's not much, but it will have to do…just until we find out what to do with you all. We keep the dogs down here at night, so you'll be sharing the basement with Nana and Dizzy. I get it, okay, its degrading and all, but it's the best we have. Sorry. We'll bring blankets and pillows and stuff down later. Stay as quiet as possible, and if you hear anyone coming through the door without knocking first, hide there," I pointed to the closet under the stairs, "and don't come out until you hear the person leave."

After we got nods from everyone, as if on cue, my mom walked through the front door.

"Naydiene, Pepper? Where are you two?"

"Uh, just a second mom, we were filling the dog bowls!" I lied, looking around at the Fellowship before waving and running up the stairs, Naydiene and LA in tow.

"Oh, speaking of the dogs, can you put them in the basement? Naydiene, go get your brother from soccer practice, please. Lena! Are you staying tonight?" my mom was notorious for giving order and talking really fast, "Pepper, I brought you your medicine, too. I'll put it in your room for you."

Mom raced around the house, her big, blonde shoulder length curls bouncing and her heels clicking obnoxiously. She wore a black pencil skit, a white dress shirt, and a black, broad shouldered blazer. Of course, she carried around a suitcase and she always had her cell phone in one hand and shouting orders into her ear piece. She was the CEO of a law firm; go figure. I guess at one point in life she could have been a cheerleader and been a party animal, but now she was gone from eight in the morning and six at night and was always coming home exhausted and never really had time for us kids. Her name was ReAnne Moore and she was Naydiene's mom-and my step mom, I guess. ReAnne was nice enough…but she was a workaholic. And she just so happened to fall in love with my dad who is also Naydiene's dad (remember, we're half-sisters).

My dad, well he was also a workaholic, so they were perfect for each other. The only odd thing about my dad's relationship with ReAnne is that ReAnne is older than my dad by six years! Six years! But, hey, they're happy. A little bit about my father; he was only forty years old ! He's tall, like 6'5" which I don't get because I'm only 4'10", and he's your typical business man; slicked back black hair, big, beady black eyes, and stubble. Oh, and always wearing a suit and tie...always. Quite the lady's man, I might add. That's why he ended up getting my biological mom pregnant even though he was married to ReAnna. They fought, but I guess they stayed together for Naydiene and their unborn baby, Alexis (he's a boy). Well when my real mom died during childbirth, my dad had to take me. ReAnna is a good person, who loves kids, so she accepted me, which, now that I'm older and understand more, I'm grateful for. So yeah, my dad is a wild one, and his name is Zachary Lorde.

"Pepper? Pepper?!" my mom exclaimed, "Honey, are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh, yeah! Sorry, just daydreaming…" I shook my head, "What's up?"

Mom gave me a worried look, then turned to walk upstairs, "Your father and I are planning a vacation and we want to know where you and Naydiene want to go-come on, kiddo, walk with me." she motioned me to follow, "Naydiene wants Hawaii, but we went there for her sweet sixteen, your father wants Greece, but we went there for our anniversary last year, and I want Paris. Where do you want to go?"

I groaned and hung my head, "I just want to stay home. I'm sick of vacations-it's not a vacation if we go every other month, ya know!"

She laughed, and opened the door to her office, setting down her things, "Where do you want to go, Payton?"

"Nowhere! Why do we have to leave all the time?"

"Because we can afford it!" she exclaimed, tossing her hands up and laughing again.

"So?"

"Pepper, honey, when you have money, spend it!"

"That's the worst piece of advice ever! Mom, I don't want to go anywhere." I stomped after her into her room and waited outside her bathroom while she turned her bathtub on.

She scoffed and said something along the lines of 'do you know how many people in the world want to have our lives? Practically everyone, dear!'

Those words made _me_ scoff.

Did I mention that both my parents were rich and very, very, VERY arrogant?

Well they were, and I didn't like it. When I'm older, I just want to be average, not rich, not poor….

"I'm just going to take the dogs to the basement, mom, you decide where we're going…I don't care." I replied, sad and annoyed.

"Really? You're going to leave because _you're_ upset? Go take your pills."

My temper flared, but I quickly walked out of the room and stalked outside-ignoring LA's concerned glance.

Gripping the dogs' collars, I pulled them back through the house and to the basement, knocked, and then stomped down the steps.

"Miss Pepper, what's wrong?" Merry asked, cocking his head to the side.

"My mom," I said over the growls from my dogs, "She's being a bitch!"

They all looked slightly shocked at hearing those words come from a little girl's mouth, but I brushed it off.

"She was being all arrogant and weird and I didn't like it so I said I had to go. I guess I sounded emotional or something because then she told me to go take my pills!" I kicked the wall and immediately yelped.

"That was rude!" Pippin gasped.

"Your own mother would say such things?" Aragorn asked, incredulously.

"She's not my real mom-my real mom died." I huffed, "What is this, Pepper's Confession Day? My dad had Naydiene and our brother Alexis with this lady, but my dad's a player, so he cheated on ReAnne-that's Naydiene's mom-and got my real mom pregnant with me. Then my mom died so my dad took me in. Make sense? The dogs will be fine with you, I think they are alright now…just don't touch them and if they sniff you, let them."

Letting go of the dogs, I went back upstairs and plopped down on the couch with LA, "Where's Nay?"

"Picking Alexis up from soccer…are you okay?" her big blue eyes were filled with concern.

"Yeah, just ReAnne being stupid again, don't worry about it! So…wanna play music really loud? We can totally sing along and sound like crack heads for the Fellowship."

"Fuck. Yes."

So then, much to ReAnne's dismay, we blasted Beyoncé's Single Ladies and, because we're weird, we danced the Single Ladies dance until Naydiene and Alexis came home and started dancing with us.

This went on for hours!

Finally my dad came home, gave us funny looks and then walked upstairs…I don't even want to know what my parents did up there but uh…well we just didn't go up there.

Alexis left to take a shower and then go to bed, and then Naydiene went to bed, leaving LA and me to party.

The party didn't last long because we had to take blankets down to the basement and help the Fellowship situate.

"Hopefully we can go buy air mattresses tomorrow so you guys aren't sleeping on concrete…I'm really sorry…" I mumbled awkwardly.

"I have to pee!" LA screeched, racing up the steps and disappearing, and leaving me with the Fellowship.

"We understand, child, and we give out thanks for everything you've done. I also wanted to apologize for scaring you earlier and for any damage we've caused." Gandalf smiled down at me and ruffled my already messed up hair.

"And I wanted to thank you for sharing all of those things about this pointy-eared princeling!" Gimli laughed, pointing at a disgruntled Legolas.

"Oh…that was…sorry Legolas…" I looked down and giggled, "But I can show you the stories if you want?"

"No, that won't be necessary!" Legolas exclaimed, holding his hands up in surrender.

I laughed and said goodnight.

Before I could open the door to the basement, I heard Frodo say, "I loved your singing and dancing, by the way."

My eyes widened and I spun to look at the smirking ring bearer; he just pointed to the vent (I knew quite well that you can see into the living room from there) and the stack of bricks under the vent.

He laughed and my face flushed and I quickly exited.

Fucking Hobbits!

Closing the door, I pressed my back against it and slid down.

"What's wrong with you?" LA asked, walking into the kitchen and leaning against the counter.

"Hobbits are motherfuckers…"

**XXX**

**That was long and boring…I'm so sorry!**

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